does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
