wat bout pragnant strippers??
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
