Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
