First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
