he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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