do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
