The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize