i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
