Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
