but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
