How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
