oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
wow bdsm is so cute
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
