U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
