If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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