just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
