So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
