I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
