So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
