we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
She needs sedatives and a leash
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
