somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
