some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
