I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize
