I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
