It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
