Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
