I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
