dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
