I CAN MOONWALK!
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
