im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
