I think my vagina is haunted
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
