In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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