It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
