i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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