i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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