oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
