i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I can't turn off my feet"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
