I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
