I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
