no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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