my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
