Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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