I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
she looked like the before picture.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
