Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
