I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
