seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Sacagawea was the original milf.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
