take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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