So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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