god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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