i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
pray to the hookup gods
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
