yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
