WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
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