I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
