I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I forget how to act sober
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
