so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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