I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
