There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
