i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
