This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
