Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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