She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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