brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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