I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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