I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize