Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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