Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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