And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
