You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
