$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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