he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
