I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
