people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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