My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
