i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize