Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
