Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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